What If....?
"What if this doesn't work out? What if you have nothing to fall back on? What if you have to come home early? What if something happens to you?"
These are not questions I ask myself, but rather, the ones I am frequently asked by others. The truth is, when it comes to my future, I don't really worry about those things. Besides, I have enough people worrying for me anyways. Whether it's genuine concern or just typical skepticism, I don't always know, nor do I care to know. But this I do know... God has His hand in every thing I do. As long as He is guiding me, the questions, the small details(or the big ones), or even where I am headed aren't important. What matters is that I follow Him and walk in His will no matter how unprepared, crazy, or unorganized I seem to other people.
So, why the questions then? It all starts with one word: College. I feel like in the society that we live in, we believe that college equals the future. If you don't go to collage, you end up with a low paying job and no way to support yourself. If you don't go to college, you can't be successful in anything you do! Without college, there is no American dream.... right? Right. I guess if I were shooting for the American dream where I never have to worry about just skimming by, that would work for me. But, I'm not. Maybe, just maybe, I don't want a well paying job or a nice house. Maybe those things don't matter to me. (Well, they don't.)
So perhaps we should ask ourselves a different question... What if God hasn't called you to go to college? This was not something I had never even considered until last year in, you guessed it, AFRICA. I was sitting on the bus behind my translator, Emanuel, when he turned around to talk to me. "These people love you. You are supposed to do this.", he said to me. It was no news to me, but it meant a lot that he would tell me that. "So what about your future? Are you going to college?". I tried to explain to him that I felt college was an important opportunity that I couldn't pass up. Besides, I need a degree and my parents told me multiple times that it wasn't in option. Emanuel looked at me as if my answer wasn't the one he was looking for.
"So what if God doesn't want you to go to college? So you are just going to go to school for another six or eight years when you need to be here?", he challenged me. "Well, I guess if God told me to..." "What if God told you to get out of high school early to come? Would you do it then?" I couldn't believe he was asking me these questions. "Emanuel, that's not possible. Besides my parents would never allow it." I said to him, completely frustrated. "Who are you wanting to please? God, or your parents.?", he said to me. "I guess I won't go to college then?" I replied so that he would quit asking so many questions. "But is that what God wants you to do?!"
That day, Emanuel frustrated me to my core. But it wasn't until a few months after I got home that I realized what he was trying to do. You see, every answer I gave was to satisfy him. I gave excuses and was more focused on what my parents wanted, instead of what God wanted me to do. So I began to pray... The funny thing is, the more I prayed and thought about it, the less peace I felt about college. "Okay God, if this is what you want for me, you have to get my parents on board." Funny how easily God answered that prayer. I couldn't believe it, but when I talked to my mother about it, her response was a light hearted "Okay!" That doesn't usually happen with my mom.... She didn't even need my explanation! Ironically, I also ended up homeschooling the same year and I will now be graduating high school a year early.
If success in the worlds eyes is a college degree and having a practical job, than I guess I don't want success. I had a leader once that told me success is not based on the outcome, but our obedience to God. That is how I define success. I want to be obedient to God even if it means living my life in a way that isn't always comfortable or easy. If God tells me to go to college, I will. But He hasn't for the time being... So I won't. I don't need any ones approval to do what God has commanded me. So no, I won't be getting a teaching degree, a nursing degree, or a degree in world missions. Maybe those things are "good ideas" or will help me in the long run, but if God has called me, He will also equip me. I don't need anything to "fall back on" because I don't have a plan B. God, is my plan A and no other plan will work for me. Yes, I am too weak and unqualified to do what God has asked of me... But God is my strength and my portion. So I will keep pressing on, I will fall back on Him, and I will have peace in knowing that God is holding me. No matter how difficult it gets, He always has a plan. Lord, I trust you, even through all the "what if s"
2 Corinthians 12:9-10
"But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong."
Walking in His will,
-Olivia Thabisa Cartwright.
These are not questions I ask myself, but rather, the ones I am frequently asked by others. The truth is, when it comes to my future, I don't really worry about those things. Besides, I have enough people worrying for me anyways. Whether it's genuine concern or just typical skepticism, I don't always know, nor do I care to know. But this I do know... God has His hand in every thing I do. As long as He is guiding me, the questions, the small details(or the big ones), or even where I am headed aren't important. What matters is that I follow Him and walk in His will no matter how unprepared, crazy, or unorganized I seem to other people.
So, why the questions then? It all starts with one word: College. I feel like in the society that we live in, we believe that college equals the future. If you don't go to collage, you end up with a low paying job and no way to support yourself. If you don't go to college, you can't be successful in anything you do! Without college, there is no American dream.... right? Right. I guess if I were shooting for the American dream where I never have to worry about just skimming by, that would work for me. But, I'm not. Maybe, just maybe, I don't want a well paying job or a nice house. Maybe those things don't matter to me. (Well, they don't.)
So perhaps we should ask ourselves a different question... What if God hasn't called you to go to college? This was not something I had never even considered until last year in, you guessed it, AFRICA. I was sitting on the bus behind my translator, Emanuel, when he turned around to talk to me. "These people love you. You are supposed to do this.", he said to me. It was no news to me, but it meant a lot that he would tell me that. "So what about your future? Are you going to college?". I tried to explain to him that I felt college was an important opportunity that I couldn't pass up. Besides, I need a degree and my parents told me multiple times that it wasn't in option. Emanuel looked at me as if my answer wasn't the one he was looking for.
"So what if God doesn't want you to go to college? So you are just going to go to school for another six or eight years when you need to be here?", he challenged me. "Well, I guess if God told me to..." "What if God told you to get out of high school early to come? Would you do it then?" I couldn't believe he was asking me these questions. "Emanuel, that's not possible. Besides my parents would never allow it." I said to him, completely frustrated. "Who are you wanting to please? God, or your parents.?", he said to me. "I guess I won't go to college then?" I replied so that he would quit asking so many questions. "But is that what God wants you to do?!"
That day, Emanuel frustrated me to my core. But it wasn't until a few months after I got home that I realized what he was trying to do. You see, every answer I gave was to satisfy him. I gave excuses and was more focused on what my parents wanted, instead of what God wanted me to do. So I began to pray... The funny thing is, the more I prayed and thought about it, the less peace I felt about college. "Okay God, if this is what you want for me, you have to get my parents on board." Funny how easily God answered that prayer. I couldn't believe it, but when I talked to my mother about it, her response was a light hearted "Okay!" That doesn't usually happen with my mom.... She didn't even need my explanation! Ironically, I also ended up homeschooling the same year and I will now be graduating high school a year early.
If success in the worlds eyes is a college degree and having a practical job, than I guess I don't want success. I had a leader once that told me success is not based on the outcome, but our obedience to God. That is how I define success. I want to be obedient to God even if it means living my life in a way that isn't always comfortable or easy. If God tells me to go to college, I will. But He hasn't for the time being... So I won't. I don't need any ones approval to do what God has commanded me. So no, I won't be getting a teaching degree, a nursing degree, or a degree in world missions. Maybe those things are "good ideas" or will help me in the long run, but if God has called me, He will also equip me. I don't need anything to "fall back on" because I don't have a plan B. God, is my plan A and no other plan will work for me. Yes, I am too weak and unqualified to do what God has asked of me... But God is my strength and my portion. So I will keep pressing on, I will fall back on Him, and I will have peace in knowing that God is holding me. No matter how difficult it gets, He always has a plan. Lord, I trust you, even through all the "what if s"
2 Corinthians 12:9-10
"But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong."
Walking in His will,
-Olivia Thabisa Cartwright.
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